Head of Portfolio Consumables (Ingestibles)
Consumer Goods & Consumables·Corporate HQ (Virtual) · occasional travel to the cheese facility·Full-time · Indefinite
Posted March 2021 · posting has not been revised
About this role
The Head of Portfolio Consumables (Ingestibles) oversees the ingestible subset of the consumer-goods vertical. This includes pig milk, dehydrated water, boneless water, snortables, and future ingestibles that have not yet been classified as ingestibles.
The role demands unusual composure during product demonstrations.
What You'll Do
- —Chair the monthly Ingestible Review Committee, which has produced zero formal findings since 2022
- —Coordinate cross-brand marketing where 'drinkable' is a contested category
- —Serve as the firm's primary interface with consumers who are both confused and committed
- —Adjudicate whether a new product is properly classified as an ingestible or an adjacent consumable
- —Maintain the current ingestible-safety stance, which is: we defer to the brands
- —Host the quarterly tasting, at which no attendance has ever been recorded
What We're Looking For
- —15+ years in consumer consumables, or 3 years in ingestibles specifically
- —Willingness to taste a product before formally endorsing it
- —Comfortable working across brand teams that occasionally disagree on physics
Compensation
$140k + quarterly cheese wheel
- —Base: $140,000 – $220,000 depending on negotiating posture
- —Quarterly cheese wheel allocation (Gouda or Manchego, recipient's choice)
- —Unlimited samples from every ingestible brand (subject to brand stock)
- —Reserved parking at the Corporate HQ (virtual)
- —Annual stipend for 'personal tasting apparatus' (no receipts required under $200)
Benefits
- —Unlimited ambiguity
- —Competitive compensation (to be determined)
- —Full dental on select days
- —Vesting schedule: 18 years, cliff at year 12
- —Hybrid / remote / occasionally in-person at a location to be announced
How to Apply
Submit your application for consideration. A decision will be communicated when one has been made.
Apply for this Role